


Kiss Me

by Monacollodo



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-22 19:31:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16604147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monacollodo/pseuds/Monacollodo
Summary: After a long time living for revenge and seeking for answers, a devastating loneliness keeps Liz searching for Ressler. Even though she fights against this, there's always something pushing her back to him and making her want him more.This is my first fic in a lifetime and English is not my native language.I know Keenler is not that popular anymore, but I really love them as a couple.I'm not feeling confident enough to introduce another characters in my fic, so this is 100% Keenler.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

Ressler could barely remember when this feeling started. He was sure it wasn’t at that first time when he saw her years ago. But it didn’t take long, it was somewhere between her matrimonial doubts and his addiction.  
Sitting in his apartment, he started to remember all that times when he felt in love with her. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that the feeling started in the day she appeared in his front door.  
Oh, that was a unique moment. By that time, a fire grew up in his heart and he got blind by the hope of feeling loved again. All the sparkles flying every time she looked back at him made him really hopeful. So hopeful that he bought her dinner on her birthday and she gave him a wine saying that it was for a special occasion. She made him believe that being together was special, he felt confident after her telling him about the wine.  
All that occasions to find out that she couldn’t let Tom go. She kept lying to herself about not wanting him. Ressler knew she had passed though dark times when living as a fugitive. But he also knew that he had stood up for her in his own way. He did sleep with Samar, but it was one night stand. No feelings, no dreams or hopes. Just sex. He thought about Liz in a sexual way in several times, but it was not sex, it was making love.  
Liz did a lot of thing that may be unforgivable, like faking her own death, but somehow he couldn’t stop protecting her, even though Tom got all the credits for her safety.  
Now, he’s death. And Liz has been distant, ignoring him, acting as if she doesn’t need anybody. Ressler closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
He needs her.

Liz woke up on the floor. It was another night sleeping over the papers after fighting against her sleepy. In her opinion, sleep was a waste of time when she had so many issues to worry with.  
She got up and looked at the files on the floor. She spent hours analyzing facts and all she still had was nothing.  
“You must focus.” She though while staring at the papers. “You also must eat if you intend to survive to solve this.”  
She didn’t check her fridge because she knew there was months since the last time she worried about buying real food. Then she already knew she would have to walk in some place to buy coffee.  
She opened the door to leave when she saw Ressler stood in her doorstep. He was dressed for work and had a perfectly aligned hair. He smiled at her, but his cheeks were more red than its usual.  
“Hi, what are you doing here?” Liz said trying to sound calm. She would hate if Ressler noticed how tired she was.  
“I had a thought that maybe you would need some breakfast.” Ressler said naturally, as if he hadn’t stood in her front door for minutes before she opened it suddenly.  
“It is...” She didn’t have a word to describe it. They used to be close, but it was before all this darkness. She didn’t want him to come in because it would make her lose time and he would notice how she’s been living.  
“Unexpected, I know.” He said regretting for showing up. “I’m sorry. You’re busy”  
“No way. Come in.” Liz felt sorry for a first time in a long time.  
“Are you sure?” He didn’t want to seem so fragile, but he was fragile when it was about Liz. Fortunately, he got good in hiding it.  
“I’m totally sure.” She smiled at him and he came in. 

There were toast, eggs, bacon and coffee. Liz was separating plates and cups while Ressler was looking around the apartment. He knew she was going through a lot, but that was worse that he thought. She was not living, she was barely surviving. She needed help, she needed him.  
“Won’t you share this meal with me?” She said after serving the food on the plates.  
“That’s why I’m here, Keen.” Ressler walked toward the balcony, where Liz placed the plates.  
They had just started eating when Liz felt extremely ashamed. She thought about the steps that led him to her door. He woke up in the morning, took a shower, got dressed, left home, bought food and brought it to her. Now he is eating in silence due to her reaction when she opened the door.  
“Ressler, listen.” She took a deep breath before saying. “I’m sorry about before. I wasn’t expecting this.” For some reason, there were tears in her eyes. “I mean... I...” She knew what to say, but the words were heavy.  
“Liz, it’s okay.” Ressler touched her hand. “I should’ve called”  
“I just don’t want to pull anyone to my shadow.” Liz looked at his eyes. She never knew why, but its color always made her calm.  
“Keen, don’t be ridiculous. You’re doing nothing, I’m deciding to join you.” Ressler laugh.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean you are feeling alone. That’s what you couldn’t complete what you were saying before."  
“You’re... you’re not wrong.”  
“I understand this revenge thing and this abyss. You don’t have to go through this alone.” He held her hand.  
“Let me take care of my business, right? I don’t wanna nobody getting hurt.”  
Ressler pondered a few seconds after realizing that she wouldn’t give in easily. That’s when he had a idea.  
“Liz, Do you think that your problems could wait for a night?” He said it licking his lips.  
“Sorry?” Liz got a little irritated due to his persistence. She was losing time.  
“I said that I’m at home by eight. Tonight, specially, there will be dinner and wine for two. If you don’t have anywhere to go or if you just want to taste a normal life for a night, you know my address.”  
“As you said before, I’m busy.” Liz felt angry with herself for saying that.  
“Right.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ressler got home from work at 6:30. He took a shower and ordered dinner for two. He didn’t even knew if she was showing up, but he’d bought wine. He’d planned every detail to make this a suitable night. Now, it was 07:30 and his heart was already beating rapid. Every minute was taking more than sixty seconds for him. He couldn’t stop starring at the door. He gave a shot in the dark. This morning, he couldn’t believe on how easy it was to invite her, even though he was aware of how his heart would be if she’d never appear.

* * *

 

Liz parked the car in front of Ressler’s building. She spent the last hour driving with no destination, trying not to drive towards his apartment. But when she noticed, she had already made all the way to his place. This morning, when he invited her to dine, she swore to herself that she would never show up. She was aware that this would hurt him, but she also was sure that she would never bring him to the dark cloud over her. He’d never understand this, but she was protecting him. Also, she still had a lot of questions without answers, that was supposed to be her mainly priority. Of course it was her priority, that was the reason why she had given Agnès to Tom’s mother. Somehow, she couldn’t stop starring at the entrance, she really wanted to go. She closed her eyes and imagined how delightful it would be to dine and wine with Ressler, to talk about simple times and laugh about it, to feel the taste of a normal life with a friend. What a friend! Liz thought. For a minute, she closed her eyes and pictured his face. His blue eyes, his perfectly aligned hair, his pale skin covering his muscles. Liz felt a strange sensation, as if she was hot. After having this feeling, she instantly opened her eyes and blamed herself for having this thought. She didn’t deserve him, no after all these years and mistakes. She unlocked her cell phone to check the hour. It was 08:10PM. She searched his contact and send him a message apologizing for not showing up. Ressler, I’m sorry. Stuck with paperwork. Can we take a rain check on dining? He answered one minute later saying that he was sorry too. Liz needed a drink. She needed to go back to work too, but she made her mind about buying some drink before going back home.

* * *

 

Ressler checked his phone. Liz had sent a message telling that she was not coming. I should have known, he thought. A sadness took control of him. After putting away the food, He took a glass of whiskey and sat on his couch. He was strong emotionally, he knew it, but he couldn’t help feeling blue. He loved a woman that would never look at him as a man. He gulped the whiskey. He felt his head heavy and slowly, his eyes were closing. 

* * *

 

Ressler woke up with a knock on his door. His head spun before he recover his consciousness. He saw the empty glass on the table. He took a quick glance at the clock. It was 10:15PM. He wondered how long he had been sleeping. Knock. Knock. Knock. The door. He remembered. He jumped out the couch and walked fast towards the door. He opened it without checking who was it. Liz. He couldn’t believe that she was standing there. For a second, they starred each other in complete silence.

“I thought you were too busy.” Ressler finally said.

“I was...” She said. “I’m not anymore” She smiled. Ressler raised his eyebrow.

“Then you’re welcome.” He opened some space so she could come in.

Liz walked in the place. She knew that she shouldn’t do it, she had passed the last hours fighting against it, but after some sips, she felt brave enough to allow herself to be weak.

"I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting you anymore." Ressler said as he closed the door.

"I didn't have anywhere to go." Liz was looking around the apartment. "It's more comfortable than I remembered."

"Take a sit. I'll heat the food." Ressler went straight to the kitchen.

It took Ressler only some minutes to put everything together on the salon table. When everything was ready, he sat on the couch with Liz. Liz was eating in silence while Ressler was gazing admiringly at her. All his admiration came from the fact that she was the strongest women he knew. Even now, after all these years surrounded by darkness and pain, she was still one of the most beautiful women he met.

"Ressler?" Liz called him one more time.

"Yeah." He finally answered. For a second, he'd been distant enough with his own thoughts to listen her. She'd just finished the meal.

"What's the matter?" Liz asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure." He giggled. "I appreciate your coming tonight, Keen."

"We're not working. Call me Liz." Liz smiled while taking the glass to her mouth.

"I'm glad you're here, Liz." Ressler smiled back at her. They shared a soothing silence for a second.

"I'm glad I'm here. It has been a time since somebody looked happy to see me." She didn't knew why she said that, but her cheecks blushing.

"Liz, you deserve a good life." He softly touched her hand.

Liz took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her heart suddenly got heavy. She knew that she deserved a good life with her daugther and maybe somebody new. She loved Tom madly, so much that she's lived for his memory since his death. Days passed by and all she had was loneliness. She hated herself for feeling alone, for desperately desiring to kiss Ressler. But how could she do anything? She didn't even know why she was there and how he'd feel about it. She'd been losing so many things and she didn't want to lose a friend.

"Does it get easier?" She asked "Will I just forget everything about him?"

"No." That was not how he'd planned the night. "In the beginning, It hurts so hard and every detail is there to haunt you. You feel like there's nobody or nothing else in the world. But you know this, right?"

"Yeah." She regretted bringing him the memory of this feeling.

"You feel that you'll never love again." Ressler continued. "But believe me, you will."

"Did you love anybody after...?" Liz couldn't complete the question.

"Yes, I do. But we have never been together." He looked inside her eyes.

Liz realized that she knew a little about him. He answered in the present, it was enough to let Liz know that there was somebody in his life.

"She's lucky. You deserve a good life too." Liz caressed his back.

"I want to drink something stronger." Ressler stoop up quickly, walked into the kitched and came back holding a bottle of vodka.

"Vodka? Really?" Liz laughed.

"We must be the most screwed people in the world. Tell me one reason why we shouldn't do it." Ressler stared at her waiting for her approval.

"I don't think there is. Also, I want to." She finally said


	3. Chapter III

They drank half of the bottle. They talked for hours about nice things. For some time, they felt as though the world was all about them and that conversation. At some point, Liz got impressed with how natural it was.

"I'll get something to eat." Ressler stopped drinking when he noticed he was getting drunk.

He got up and walked towards the kitchen. It took less than 5 minutes, but when he came back, Liz had fallen asleep. He watched her for some minutes. She was so gorgeous, still she was never going to be his. He carefully picked her up and took her to his bedroom and placed her in his bed. After checking if she was comfortable, he kissed her forehead. He was leaving when he listened her calling his name.

"Ressler?"

"Yes." He faced her.

"Come here." She said softly.

He took some steps toward the bed.

"What are you doing?" Ressler got surprised when Liz pulled him down. "Lie down with me, Donald." She was speaking calmly.

Ressler lay down by her side. Even though he was drunk enough to feel free, he was still aware of his actions. Liz was by his side laughing and feeling free as well, but she wasn't as aware as him.

"Ressler, Listen." Liz turned her face to stare at him. They were close enough to feel each other breathing. "Whoever she is, you'd tell her about your feelings."

"Advices are too simple." Ressler closed his eyes. If she knew.

"No. You're an amazing man. You're honest, loyal and handsome." Liz felt her cheeks burning. The words came out of her mouth faster than her thoughts.

"You're drunk, aren't you?" Ressler tried to hire what those words meant to him. She had never said her opinion about his appearance before.

"Aren't you?" Liz whispered. She couldn't recognize herself, but something about him had changed over the years. He was so right all the time and he was so obsessed with control. Liz was curious to challenge his limits, to cross the line that separates the controlled Ressler and the uncontrolled one. Every move was a kind of invitation to the wildness. There was only one action to take and Liz was drunk enough to do it.

"I'm drunk enough." She continued.

Their lips touched. They were kissing desperately. Ressler was holding her tight to make sure that she was not going somewhere else. Her lips were smooth, but her kiss was fierce. Liz was better than he could have imagined. Ressler wanted more than this. He'd just started unbotton her shirt when a mean thought ran through his head.

"Wait." Ressler interrupted. "You're drunk."

"It's no big deal." Liz answered quickly.

"Maybe now, but tomorrow you don't know." He argued. "You'd never want this if you were sober."

"Don't you want to?' She questioned.

"Sure. There's nothing I want more." He would regret for saying it later. "Still I care for you, Lizzie. I would hate to become a regret."

"You would never be." Lizzie insisted.

"Sleep. You probably won't remember this tomorrow."

Ressler got up quickly and left the room. That was the hardest thing he had ever done. He had the woman he loved in his arms and he'd chosen to let her go. All he felt was a big sorrow.He closed his eyes for a second.

He opened his eyes at 6AM, he couldn't remember when he'd felt asleep. He got still until he reminded why he'd slept on the sofa, then he silently walked to his bedroom, opened the door calmly to see that nobody was there. She'd left during his sleep. Ressler didn't felt angry. After these years, he'd got used with her getting in and out his life. However, loneliness was there to haunt him.

* * *

 

 Two weeks passed after the kiss. Liz had forced herself to focus only on her search for the truth. Still, the memories of that night were constantly running through her head. They'd kissed wildly and Ressler was so much more than she would have ever glimpsed. His touch was a perfect balance between delicate and intense. Liz was disappointed that a kiss was all that she got, but if she'd learned anything from this situation, it was how to admire him. Although it was a sweet memory for her, she acted as though she couldn't remember anything. The emotions that she felt that night were strong enough to make her think about him constantly and it wasn't right to think about him when Agnes was living away her.

Liz pondered while driving to the Post Office that morning. She had taken some weeks out, but after long nights investigating clues, she concluded that being inside the Task Force was essential to find the truth. The truth was all she ever wanted. She remembered the small talk she had had with Jennifer the day before.

"You must do it. How long will it take?" Jennifer said.

"I'll go back to the Task Force." Liz answered.

"You are out for weeks. We agreed that you needed to be close to him." Jennifer argued.

"Trust me. I've planned everything" Liz sounded confident.

It was what she did. She joined the Task Force to work on blacklisters one more time. Even when she was there, she couldn't avoid thinking about how her life had changed. Some years earlier, arrest criminals was the real thing, but Red had changed it all. He had changed her life and mind completely over the years. Liz didn't even know his real name or intentions.

* * *

 

 In the end of that day, she was sat at home. Loneliness was a feeling that she was used with, but that evening was particularly hard for her. She was starring at the phone pondering about what she had just done. There was a song playing on the radio. She had turned it on to avoid her own thoughts, but her thoughts were louder than any song. The day brought back a flood of memories. Some tears came down her face while she was looking at Agnes' photo. Liz hated what her life'd become and, mainly, she hated what Reddington had made her become. Everytime a problem ended, a new one appeared. She couldn't remind the last time she had nothing big to worry with. 

Knock Knock Knock

Her thoughts were interrupted by the knock. Liz quickly dried the tears using her hands and walked towards the door.

Ressler.

"I came the faster that I could." He said.

"I..I..." Liz didn't complete the sentence. She started crying.

"It's okay. Everything is okay." Ressler hold her.

He pulled her in and closed the door behind him. It didn't took long for them to sit in the cough, still Ressler waited to start a conversation.

"If you want to, you don't have to talk about it." Ressler really meant it. He appreciated that she trusted him, but he didn't want to see her sad. "We can just stay here."

"I love you for that." Liz felt relieved. She wasn't sure about letting off. Actually, she wasn't even sure about why she called him.

"What song is this?" He tried to change the subject.

"I don't know." Liz saw what he was trying to do.

“What I'm about to say won't sound like me, but would you dance with me?”

Liz laughed. She couldn't understand why he was always so nice with her. She looked at him, he was the sweetest person in her life. Somehow, he was the perfect mixture of sweetness and strength.

“Sure.” She stood up.

They walked slowly to the middle of the living room. Ressler pulled her close to him. He put his hand on her hips. She draped her hand on his shoulders. Their movements were as slower as the song.

“You’re a good dancer.” Liz said.

“I'm more than a cop, Lizzie” his voice was soft and low. 

They swayed to the music in silence for a while. Liz rested her head on his chest during the dance and he could feel the sweet smell of her hair. His heart was beating fast and his body was asking for more than the dance. He must keep his grip, he thought. Liz listened his heart beating fast. She couldn’t even remember having a moment like this in her life. She was feeling safe for the first time in a long time. This safety was capable of making her weak enough to wish a new life. She couldn’t just give up on the truth because of the loneliness, she pondered, but she could feel loved for one night.

“Ressler, I...” She was immediately interrupted by him.

“Lizzie.”

“I’m not drunk today.” Liz said hoping that we would easily understand the message. She confirmed it by the shine in his eyes.

“Do you want to do something else?”

“Tell me and I do it.” Ressler tried to sound relaxed.


End file.
